Family
by Seiina13
Summary: WARNING: CRACKFIC! Sasuke decides to attack a girl he comes across in the forest, and take her supplies. When he turns around, he finds this is not possible. I suck at summaries. forgive me! R
1. Failure

WARNING: CRACKFIC

I love Crack! … That came out wrong…

Disclamer: I don't own naruto...sobbs

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Sasuke fingered a kunai, watching his victim eagerly. She looked young, in her lower teens, with shoulder length black hair peaking out from beneath a hood. In it were pink highlights that reminded him of his old teammate. Her clothes were simple, with a black and red cloak. A staff was strapped across her back, but she revealed no other weapons. Her face was hidden from him.

The raven-haired man sighed. After defeating Orochimaru, this girl would be pathetically easy. She wouldn't provide much entertainment, but she would have supplies in her bag, which he was short on. He surveyed her again. She was at ease, walking slowly, not expecting to be attacked. He looked at her nearly hidden feet. There was a small knife tucked into her sandals. So she was a ninja, and judging by her appearance, an overconfident gennin.

Grinning, he leaped out of the tree silently and followed her. Half a mile down the path, he decided that it would be more fun if she could prepare for a fight. He cleared his throat. She turned.

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Her eyes were hidden from him by her hood. She froze for a split second, the her lips curved into an almost cruel smile. Curious, he asked, "Anata wa?"

She smirked. "Hn. No manners, I see. It's polite to introduce yourself first."

'Hn?' "Uchiha Sasuke"

"I know that," she responded coldly, "and I'll tell you my name later."

'Oooh, mind reader now, are we?' He sighed. What did it matter anyway? "I'm very sorry to tell you that your existence is about to disappear…I sound like Gaara." This last part was muttered to himself.

"Hn." She unclipped her staff, holding it loosely by her side.

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Five seconds later found Sasuke pinned to a tree with the light staff, held with amazing strength. The girl smiled.

"W-who are you?" Sasuke tried to twist free of her grasp, but found that she had a knife to his throat, keeping him still.

"My name," she smirked, pulling back her hood to reveal bloody black and red sharingan eyes, "is Uchiha Akayuri."

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Please tell me if you like, or i am afraid i will die...ok. that was a little teeny bit extravagant. But PLEASE review!


	2. Family

**Hello everyone! So glad to be back, and I'm sorry I'm such a slow typist. I'M SORRY! I WAS BANNED FROM THE COMPUTER AND I HATE HOMEWORK!! . **

**Seiina: OK! Disclaimer…Shikamaru, you do it.**

**Shikamaru: How troublesome…do it yourself.**

**Seiina: No. YOU ARE ALL MY SLAVES! slits his throat Hinata!**

**Hinata: A-ano…sh-she d-doesn't o-**

**Seiina: sigh, shoots her**

**Naruto: SHE DOESN'T OWN NARUTO! AND SEIINA BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE, AND DON'T TOUCH HINATA-CHAN!**

**Seiina: There you have it peoples. I don't own Naruto. No one was harmed in the making of this disclaimer' glances around at Shikamaru's corpse and Hinata nursing her bleeding arm.…Oops…well…**

'_My name, is Uchiha Akayuri.'_

Sasuke twisted desperately, and she let him go. She stared at him, deactivating her Sharingan to reveal emerald eyes. Sakura's eyes.

He stepped back, and she clutched him from behind. The one in front of him disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Pain seared through his body and he looked down to see a single needle embedded in his thigh. His body was immobilized.

She moved in front of him, smirking, then she giggled. "You are weak, Sasuke-san, why are you weak? Because you la-" Here she collapsed on the ground, her body shaking uncontrollably with laughter. Finally, she stood, body still vibrating violently. "Shame on you." The girl managed to pull a straight face, "You disgrace the name of Uchiha, to be beaten up pathetically by one, hn… twelve years your junior, even if she is a Jounin." She paused, finished, before adding, "and not to have made Jounin by now is just as sad." Then simply, "Shine."

Speech over, she unsheathed a small knife at her side. She moved toward him.

"Stop." An all too familiar voice.

The hungry look on her face fell to disappointment. "But…"the look of whoever was behind him couldn't silence her. "Otou-san… I want to kill him!" The bloodlust in her eyes made Sasuke shiver.

"No." Uchiha Itachi was firm. "We will take him back with us."

The girl spun on her heel to face her father. "He's my prize. I will take him back." The younger of the Uchihas moved toward Sasuke, and everything went black.

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He woke up in a clearing, to see Akayuri staring at him. He made to sit up, but when his muscles weren't obeying him. When he tried to move his right arm to push himself up, his legs moved instead. He groaned.

"Sasuke-san," he looked up as best he could. "You are the tiebreaker. Otou-san wants you to remain unconscious, and I want you awake when we get home." She smiled, knowing his answer.

"Conscious, he grunted.

"Good, eat this." She fed him a pill, making him promise not to run, "like a weakling," she added, smirking.

Within half an hour they were standing at a door, half hidden in forest. Itachi knocked, then waited. A slot slid open in the door, to show a pair of emerald eyes. "Password?"

"46890083557659"

"Yesterday's password?"

"Kami-sama, Sakura! Just let us in."

The door was flung open, revealing a pink-haired woman. "Welcome home! What took you so lo-" she stopped dead, eyes falling on Sasuke. "…Sas-" she assumed a cold, businesslike façade. "Where did you find _him _Ita-kun?"

A tiny bit if pride could be found in Itachi's voice as he answered calmly, " Akayuri found him."

Sakura looked down at her daughter, "Yuri-chan…"

The teen looked bored. "He was too easy. Otou-san wouldn't let me kill him, and now we're going to have to decide what to do with him." Sakura nodded slowly, in near disbelief.

Sasuke stared at his old teammate, "Sakura…you're dead." Indeed, the medicnin had been proclaimed dead less than a month after she had disappeared.

Sakura scowled, "Didn't look for me very hard, did you?"

"YURI-CHAN! YOU'RE HOME UN!" The tension broke as Akayuri's best friend barreled into her, pupil-less eyes glinting. What happened un?" without waiting for an answer, she nodded towards Sasuke, "And who's he un? Otou-san says he can fell the static from a mile away un!"

"Y-you're sounding l-like your father a-again," informed the girl's mother, entering the room. Upon seeing Sasuke, she stepped back outside before entering again, rubbing her blank eyes. "Sasuke-kun?"

Sasuke stumbled back; he had taken a liking to the blue-haired Hyuuga heiress, since she had Been one of the few who had not obsessed over him as a child. He did not think he would see her here, she was too, supposedly dead.

Now she raced to him, clutching and shaking him with amazing strength. "HOW IS NEJI-NIISAN?!?!?!?!"

"He…Tenten…eloped to…Switzerland…" he managed to force out before passing out. (A/N: Again ')

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**Again, I'm so sorry that this took so long. NEVER FEAR I AM A SKILLED NECROMANCER AND SHKAMARU IS ALIVE AND WELL.**


	3. Traitor

**Hullo again! I am hereby forbidding myself to watch Bleach until this chapter is finished. **

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Pain, All he remembered was extreme pain when he woke up. He heard Akayuri and her friend speaking very loudly. "It's too troublesome to see if he woke up. You check."

Then, "Fine. Byakugan!" Sasuke felt a strange wave wash over him. "He's awake un."

"KAA-SAN! HE'S AWAKE!"

Knocking. Sasuke grunted and Sakura entered. "Sasuke-kun," Sasuke tried to sit up, then fell back again as pain (A/N: Pein 0.o) erupted trough his muscles.

Don't try to sit up…"she told him, al little too late. (A/N: Purposely? Hmmm…) "I had to remove a few tissues in your back, so your bones will rub against each other if you move." Answering his questioning look, "Hinata-chan nearly broke your neck, shaking you. Now that you're awake, I can complete the surgery. I'll be right back." Sasuke nodded.

Before the door closed behind him, he saw, sewn to the back of her robes, the Uchiha symbol. Only then did he realize that her forehead protector was slashed trough. Finally, (A/N: He's slow, isn't he?) he put two and two together.

Flashbacks:

…shoulder length black hair. In it were pink highlights that reminded him of his old teammate.

…_to reveal bloody black and red sharingan eyes._

'_Ita-kun…'_

…_the Uchiha symbol._

…_her forehead protector was slashed trough._

End Flashbacks.

He let his body slump relaxed against the pillows, preparing. Sakura came in with your medical bag without glancing at him.

"Sakura-san…" he started quietly.

"Hn?"

'Hn?' "…" he drew a visible breath, and the medicnin flinched, ever so slightly. "…………YOU TRAITOR!" (A/N: He's not really one to speak, is he?) All through the Akatsuki hideout, criminals flinched. Itachi was being restrained by his daughter who was repeatedly assuring him that Sakura was absolutely capable of handling a git (A/N: Gardner In Training…Pixidust…inside joke.) like Sasuke.

More screams followed, with Sakura's calm voice accompaing them, then the noise stopped suddenly. Hitachi was released, and raced to the room to find the door locked, with Sasori, Hinata, Deidara, Fua, (A/N: Their daughter, my rather unreliable recourses tell me it means cosmos…) Tobi, Konan, Kisame, Hidan, and Zetsu already gathered around the door. Fua turned, and told Itachi "The door's locked."

There was silence, then Hidan spoke (A/N: this can't be good…) "DAMN YOU SAKURA!!! Open the F-censored (A/N: sorry to all you potty mouths out there, but I believe this is supposed to be rated T…I ain't gonna swear that badly.) door! Now you censored censored. Why won't you? You pile of censored censored censored!!!! You should cen-" the rest of his words (curses) were drowned out by a large beep.

Everyone's heads spun towards the noise. Deidara looked very proud of himself. He was holding a small remote with a red button on it. The button was labeled, 'Swear Not!' Everyone sweatdropped, and the two girls looked slightly disappointed Finally Fua said, "But Otou-san…he said he'd teach us a new one today!" Wrong thing to say. The protective mother instincts shot into action and poor (?) Hidan was lost in a tidal wave of Hinata's fists.

There was silence.

So they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And (you guessed it) waited.

Hinata and Konan started sparring, Sasori and Deidara started a chess match, and Tobi, Zetsu, Hidan, Kisame, and Fua started a game of 4 square. Akayuri started playing hackeysac and her father stood staring at the door, Sharingan eyes practically boring holes in the wood.

Finally, Sakura's head peaked out. Everyone stopped what they were doing, and the ball hit Tobi in the face. A little blood leaked out from under his mask, and he rubbed it away, splashing blood on his new cloak.

Sakura sighed, "Yuri-chan, Fua-chan? I could use some assistance."

"Un!"

"Un! But one moment." Akayuri stepped over to a whimpering Tobi. She put her hands to his face, emanating a soft green glow of chakra. The bleeding stopped, and she followed her mother and fellow medicnin apprentice in to the room.

Banging could be heard fro outside the room, accompanied with thumps, what could almost be identified as laughter, and a soft scream.

A half-hour later, the three medicnins came out of the room, all covered with blood. The girls were the color of Sakura's hair.

Sakura herself seemed unaware of this. "We completed the surgery."

Protective fatherly instincts kicked in this time and Itachi and Deidara demanded together, WHAT DID THEY SEE!? THEY'RE AS RED AS TOMATOES!"

The woman smiled gently, "we only removed his shirt. As medicnins, they should get used to it."

Fua spoke unexpectedly, "B-but h-he-" Yuri walloped her friend over the head. "THAT HURT UN! Idiot…" Hinata raised her eyebrows and sighed, blushing slightly.

"Hinata-chan! DO YOU HAVE A FEVER UN!!!"

"N-no Dei-kun," she said, somewhat firmly, "I thought m-maybe y-you would know th-that by n-now…" The questioning look on his face told her otherwise.

"He will be healed completely within a week," Sakura announced, and the crowed of criminals dispersed.

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**Okkeeeeey. That was refreshing. See? It's only an hour since I last updated! happy Anyway, REVIEW OR I'LL STOP! Oh, and Shika-kun would like to say something to you. smirks**

**Shikamaru-sighs how troublesome. She says that if u don't review, she'll kill me again. PLEASE REVIEW! DIEING IS NOT A PLESANT EXPERIENCE! **


	4. Filler

**Hey everyone! This is a filler of little importance. But R&R anyway, I think it's funny.**

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Sasuke awoke a few datys later to find his back mended, if a little stiff. He wandered around, finding nobody until he stubled upon a door leading outside to see Sakura, Hinata, Fua, and Akayuri training with the targets. The pink haired koionichi turned to greet him, grinning. "Sasuke!" She waved her good morning, and for a split second, there was his old teammate, greeting him in the morning at the bridge, the team 7 meeting place. That Sakura was gone the second he pushed the sliding door open a little bit further and an eraser fell on his head.

"_No idiot of a shinobi would fall for such an obvious prank."_

The old Sakura was replaced with Inner Sakura, collapsed on the ground laughing uncontrollably. Hinata, turning around and immediately recognizing the joke as a Naruto Inc. make, collapsed beside her friend. The two younger girls stood, and remained, confused.

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**Yeah…hey, I was bored and had Writer's Block…just ignore misspellings plz!**


	5. Summons

**Hullo everyone! And to all you **_**adoring **_**fans! … anyway …5****th**** chapee up! Enjoy, and as always, review. **

**I just lost the game. **

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The two young girls had forced Sasuke back into his room, giggling wildly, and locked the door.. There was no window, so after much cursing, shouting, cursing, pummeling the door, cursing, Chidori, and cursing, he collapsed on his bed to wait.

About an hour later, Hinata opened the door. Sasuke glared at her, an Uchiha glare capable of sending anyone to the 3rd layer of Hell. She shot back a well-practiced Hyuuga glare, meant to kill. (6th layer of Hell. What now, Sasuke.)

The blue-haired wonan sighed. "Sasuke san, the council has decided what to do with you. Please follow me." She turned, and stepping out of the doorway, disappeared. Literally, disappeared. Like, gone. Like, in a whirl of hand seals and leaves. Disappeared.

Sasuke stood in the hall, at loss of which way to go. Eventually, Hinata reappeared behind him. She shook her head, muttering sadly and set off down the hall. Sasuke followed.

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After a mindboggling number of passageways and turns, they came to a door. Hinata took him through, blindfolded him, and spun him around. Then she chose another door, and pulled off the blindfold. There was complete blackness beyond the door, with no bilible ceiling, nor walls, nor floor. Hinata gestured for him to enter the whatever-it-was. He shook his head slowly, mumbling something about ladies first.

She smiled, and stepped into the blackeness. (Black, the absence of color! I'm soo gonna ace this Earth Science test…) After a few steps, she had disappeared. Sasuke gulped, and followed.

To his relief, he found himself on a wooden floor, but not for long. After a couple steps, he fell. He could feel nothing around him, it didn't even feel much like air. He fell for what seemed an eternity, finally seeing a small light below him (A light at the end of a dark tunnel 0.o) he managed to pump chakra into his feet to break his fall a little, but hardly much. (Sorry, but I can't kill him _yet…_)

He landed in a tangle of arms and legs, giggleing surrounding him. Sakura helped him up with a warm glow of green chakra, easing the pain in his limbs. A bit.

A shadow leaned over him. "my, ototo-kun, that was graceful." Sasuke spat in his face.

In approximately 1/500000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000th of a second, Sakura and her daughter were on top of him, twisting him in knots, and beating him to the ground. Akayuri pressurepointed him over and over until he screamed for mercy, then got a kunai to his throat. She did her pest puppydog eyes at her father. "Can't I pleeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase kill him? Please?"

Itachi shook his head, but not after considering it thoroughly. "if you are very, very good, maybe you can kill him later." A hint of a smile played across his lips as the girl released her uncle, and stood obediently before her father.

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**I gotta go. Review!**


	6. End

**Yo. Sorry I'm late in updating. You see, I was walking the road of life and… oh never mind.**

**I'm in grace period.**

**I don't own Naruto.**

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When all that had died down, Sasuke was invited over to a large table in the middle of the room. Sakura made a point of showing him the Akatsuki ring that glittered on her finger, smirking as he growled at her.

Itachi stood, "Uchiha Sasuke." Sasuke glared at his brother. The older Uchiha continued, unfazed. "Your fate has been decided by the council…" he paused for effect. "Well…mostly by my daughter actually."

Sakura bushed him back into his seat as she stood. "Before he starts rambling…Your fate, Sasuke-kun, is to be pushed off the Hokage's tower by the 13-year-old girl that found you." Akayuri got up and took a bow, grinning.

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Sasuke grunted as Akayuri 'accidentally' stepped on his toes. Again. She took hold of his arm unexpectedly and pumped chakara into her feet, running up the side of the Hokage's tower. With one more leap, she landed elegantly on the roof, respectfully avoiding the place where the 3rd had been killed. Sasuke stumbled after her, followed by the rest of the Akatsuki. They wore the traditional robes, completely with the hats and bells. Akayuri looked at her mother, who nodded quietly. She pushed her uncle over to the edge of the roof and screamed. The scream echoed through the almost-empty streets of Konoha, and quite a crowd formed from curiosity. Tsunade pushed to the front, squinting up at the gathering Akatsuki members on her roof.

Sakura leaned over, taking off her hat to show her face. "Tsunade-shisou!" she called, "stand back! I don't want you to get hurt!" The hokage stepped back, far more out of alarm at seeing her 'dead' apprentice again than out of concern for her own safety. She watched, openmouthed, as Sasuke's head and body appeared, followed by two children that looked young enough to be just out of the academy. Then the process began.

Fua emitted a rather loud shout of , "Eight Tigrams, Sixty-four palms!" and pressed all his chakra points, disabling the flow. Akayuri spoke quietly. "Goodbye…Uncle." She pushed him off the roof, leaping after him. She flipped upside down sending two kunai flying, then releasing eight more, knocking the first two off of their course, and more in turn. A thin net of wires formed under both of them, efficiently stopping their fall. (If you had trouble picturing this, and I don't blame you, Itachi does it in episode somethingorother at the beginning of Naruto and Sasuke's fight. It's in a flashback. I think it's somewhere in the 130s.) She released two shuriken, and Sasuke's portion of the structure collapsed, letting him drop. Without a look down at her uncle, Akayuri rejoined her friends and family, and was gone long before ANBU arrived.

A single piece of pink writing paper fluttered down to the Fifth Hokage.

_Tsunade-shisou-_

_This traitor (aren't I one to speak) was captured by the youngest of us, my daughter Akayuri. Later, she was granted the 'honor' of killing him. It is my understanding that several of your best jounnins couldn't take him and his guards down. Please do not attempt to follow us._

_-Sakura Uchiha (thank gods it wasn't Sasuke)_

_Subordinate Leader of the Akatsuki _

End.

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**Alrighty, if you don't review, I might just die. And on a Friday, what a pity. **


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